The financial aspects of being a SAHM.

OK.  I need to start off with a couple little disclaimers.  I had over 90 views of my first post.  THANKS!!!!  I'm a little a lot paranoid about grammar, so I read it again about 50,000 times.  I realized that it sounds like I think I'm right and all the perfect moms are totally wrong.  I truly don't feel that way at all.  I'm very thankful for the crafty moms in my life. Several of them create then sell cute bows or clothes for really reasonable prices, and I take advantage of that when I can!  I have gotten great mommy ideas from lots of my creative friends.  And several of my friends home school.  The biggest point I wanted to get across is that not everyone does all that stuff, and it's ok not to just as it's ok to.  I guess it's ok to make your own decisions about how to raise your kids and not feel degraded for making or not making certain decisions.  And second, anyone reading anything I post should know I'm one of the most sarcastic people on the planet.  I doubt I could live without sarcasm.

And now that that's over, let's get on with the blogging, shall we?  :-)

I am blessed beyond blessed to be a stay at home mom.  I know it, and I try to remember it all the time.  Sure it gets frustrating.  Sure I question my decision.  Sure I want to pull my hair out when my daughter throws her crazy fits, and I crave adult communication.  But when it gets tough, I try to remember how blessed I am and how many moms wished they were able to do the same.  

My husband and I made the decision for me to be a SAHM 2 years ago this month when we found out we were expecting our daughter.  We played around with the finances and realized it just wasn't worth it for me to continue working.  I was pushing for it.  Really pushing for it.  He was hesitant.  Really hesitant.  But him being the wonderful (albeit passive aggressive) man that he is, he relented, and here we are.  (I'll use this time to say that most days he agrees it was the right decision.)  Some of our family were really in favor of the idea; some were completely against it.  In the end, we made the decision that we felt was best for our family.  And, let me tell you, this was the biggest leap of faith we've ever made as a couple.

I've promised to be candid, so here we go.  I mentioned that it did not make sense for me to continue working financially.  There were also some health issues at play, but ultimately it boiled down to finances.  Just about everyone will understand that.  "Sure, I am exhausted at the end of the day and can't function as a human being and my kids don't know who I am, but I gotta get that paycheck, right?"  It made sense for me to work with just one kid, just one daycare bill.  But add a second?  And an infant at that?  It would cost a lot for me to continue working.  $400/week for daycare for the 2 kids until Bry started school.  Then there's gas.  At the time I was working 25 miles one way away from my home. That's a lot of gas.  And a lot of driving.  

But here's why it was such a huge leap of faith.  We filed our taxes last month, and we filed $42,000 in income.  And that's after 2 years worth of raises.  For a family of 4.  I mean, wow.  That's really not a lot of money.  And we get zero government assistance.  I am one of the most conservative Republicans you'll ever meet.  I swore up and down when I was young and didn't know better that I would NEVER, ever, under any circumstances, be on public assistance.  Then I grew up.  When I first stopped working, I painfully swallowed all of my pride, and I applied for WIC, pregnancy Medicaid, and food stamps.  I knew other folks on it and was certain that we would qualify.  We didn't.  We missed the cut by $50/paycheck.  That's $25/week.  The lady doing the assessment said it's the first denial she'd ever processed in her 7 years of working for the department.  I was devastated.  I really thought we needed that help.

We are asked all the time how we do it.  First and foremost, we are prayerful all the time.  We pray constantly about our finances, and God has been VERY faithful, just as he promised.  When something arises that is unexpected, we pray specifically for that thing.  Case in point: Mike blew a tire on his way to work on Sunday morning.  We paid the $211 for 2 new tires.  And we prayed.  And prayed.  And guess what?  My husband, Mike, got a check today for a fireworks show he worked last Friday.  And I had the opportunity to make some deliveries for an organic produce co-op I work for a couple of hours a week (more on that in a future blog).  The total for the two jobs?  $220.00.  

So there's the praying.  And there has been a lot of sacrificing.  We rarely go out to eat.  Mike sold his truck that he had really hoped to renovate.  But our biggest change has been that we got rid of all of our credit cards AND our checking account.  We pay cash for everything.  We have one bill that requires a check or card payment, and I have a no-fee prepaid Visa card through AAA that I load specifically for that bill.  It's scary and really inconvenient sometimes.  But it also stops a lot of impulse buying.  And it has put an end to the bounced check fees that I'm embarrassed to admit plagued us.  People compliment us for this all the time.  Wow!  What a good financial decision!  Nope.  We did it because we're horrible with finances and realized we had no other choice.  There's no way we'd survive financially otherwise.

Mike works as an assistant manager for Office Depot.  Within the last few months I started working for The Neighborhood Garden organic produce co-op.  It is run by an amazing Christian woman, and it has been a huge blessing.  I originally started working just in exchange for a free bag of produce every week.  Now I get the produce and a little something extra that really helps us get by.  But I rarely have to buy produce anymore, so that is a huge blessing also.  But, like I said, more on that in a future blog.  This one is getting long enough as it is!

And finally, I've found a lot of ways to save money.  I coupon A LOT. Yes, coupon is officially a verb!  I almost always save 75% on my groceries by matching sale items with coupons.  But I can't take any credit for that whatsoever.  I follow a couple of sites that do all the hard work for me.  I just go clip or print the coupons the ladies tell me to and head to the store.  I hear all the time that people can't get the stuff they need on sale or never have coupons they need or whatever.  I have learned to plan my meals based on my coupons and deals and not to search for coupons based on the meals I want to make.  It was an odd transition, but it is working.  I shop and sell at consignment stores.  And very recently I learned how to make my own laundry soap.  I mentioned in my introduction that I am not a green mom.  I started making my own laundry soap VERY recently, just to see if it'd save me any money.  The fact that it's also good for the environment and all natural is just a bonus and had nothing to do with me trying it out.  And I'm just kind of generally frugal.  I have learned what things should cost and what I am willing to pay for them.  

So it may seem pretty random to write about this on my second ever blog post, but my ultimate goal is to be encouraging.  If I can do it anyone can, and this is no exception.  If it is your goal to be a stay at home mother, start praying about it.  It's worth all of the sacrificing and heartache and frustration because all of that comes with joy and exhilaration and smiles and hugs and love! You know how "they" say not to wait until you're "ready" to have kids or you'll never have them?  Making the decision to stay home is the same thing, especially from a financial standpoint.  

I promise you I'm just about finished here.  I want to introduce you to a new part of my format.  Each day that I post something, I want to tell you about something frustrating that happened in my day and something awesome that happened.  So here you go.

Frustrating: I had just finished making deliveries (which I skipped working out to be able to do), and I realized I had about an hour available that I could go and jump on the treadmill and (most importantly) get a shower!  So I'm heading to the Y, and Bryant (my 6 year old) let out a huge fart.  It ended up not being a fart at all.  He had totally just pooped his pants in my van.  And I had no spare clothes.  But, dangit, I really wanted my shower.  So I assessed the damage in the parking lot, and nothing seeped through his underwear. So I did what any realistically imperfect mom desperate for a shower that did not involve kids would do.  I took him to the bathroom, made him take off his underwear and wrapped them up in a plastic diaper bag and threw them away.  Then I made doubly sure that nothing stinky leaked through to his shorts and cleaned him up really well with his sister's wipes and sent him on his way to play, commando.  And I thoroughly enjoyed my half hour of cardio and subsequent shower.

Awesome: I got to see God work in incredible ways today.  He faithfully provided our finances.  He allowed me to be a blessing to someone else in a major way.  We had an extra bag of produce left over today, and my "boss" told me to be a blessing to someone.  God put a name in my heart, and it was SO the right decision - an answer to prayer for my friend!  Seriously amazing to see that happen.  I also managed to get some cardio in and get a shower.  I joined my gym so I could take daily showers without my kid throwing toys at me.  The health benefits are just a perk.  And I got to watch my son play with my daughter and push her in a swing.  He is seriously the best big brother on the planet, and it put a smile in my heart to see it.  

Thanks for joining me again today. :-) Is there anything I've written about today that you would like me to explain further? 

Feel free to share this blog with anyone you feel might be encouraged by it.  To end with a little survey: Would you rather my next blog be about A) the time and relationship benefits of being a stay at home mom, B) Other stuff that annoys me (specifically regarding hoighty-toighty "green" moms), or C) how I came to realize that my disillusioned vision of a SAHM just wasn't going to work for me?